Climbing a steep learning curve

What do you do when your son comes back from school and has very little idea about what was taught at school? How do you react when you are speaking to him and you realize that his mind has been elsewhere the entire time? How do you react went this happens every day? What about when he isn’t able to write between the lines even after you have explained this to him numerous times?

For all my education (I have a masters degree in Business and I like to believe that I am reasonably well read) when it mattered the most, I failed. I couldn’t recognise the symptoms and I didn’t get him the help he needed. At least not for a long time.

Arav was a happy child. He smiled, got along with other kids and did all the things that make for happy memories so it was always puzzling when the oddities were pointed out to us. Some of these were not sitting still in class in spite of being asked to do so repeatedly, not making eye contact when talking to adults (this went on till well past the age when it would be considered normal), not taking any notes in class and having untidy writing. When we would ask him about this, he would tell us that he was doing the best he could. The problem was that he was, in general, a well behaved boy, obedient in most things and happy to comply with most instructions. So when these things were pointed out to us, they were very difficult to understand.

What complicated matters further was that he was doing well academically. Up until the 9th standard, he was always amongst the top 4 or 5 students in his class. The teachers were also unanimous in telling us that he was a bright child and was able to accomplish most tasks easily.

Then, he fell. Hard.

When Arav moved to the 9th standard, we changed his school and with that his board changed too. Suddenly, there were problems galore. His marks plummeted. He started missing assignments and was generally listless. We supported him as best we could but nothing changed. At some point our frustration started getting the better of us. We were losing our tempers more frequently which only served to worsen matters.

We’re not medical professionals. All our education and knowledge had not prepared us to recognise ADHD. We weren’t even aware of Dysgraphia forget recognising it. Our discovery that Arav had these was entirely serendipitous. It was a chance conversation with a friend that led us to seek professional help. It turned out that my friend’s son too had Dysgraphia. When I was describing what was happening at home, he explained that he had had a similar experience with his son and that they had consulted a team of pyschologists at Children First, an institute in Delhi’s Safdarjung Vihar that specializes in providing mental health services for children and adolescents.

In the end, knowing that Arav had these conditions greatly improved his life and ours. First was just the relief of knowing that what we were experiencing had a name. That it was something other parents and children had experienced too and that it could be dealt with. Afterwards, post the counselling came the changes. We became more patient and understanding of Arav’s quirks and he in turn learned of ways to deal with some of the challenges that he faced because of the ADHD and Dysgraphia.

Today, things have improved but we know that we have a long way to go. However, knowing is everything. Knowing that there is a problem is the first step towards dealing with it. We have taken that first step.